My OH My

Saying this year has been nothing short of exhausting would be a large understatement.  So many negative things have shown their faces to me and I've had to take them and deal with them best as I know how.  I've lost alot of good people and other important things but I guess thats the price to pay when some of them show their true colors. There are alot of hard lessons we learn in life, one i have recently learned is people change, and when we hold on to what they use to be we will only be let down...yes sometimes they change for the better..but in my recent experiences that has not been the outcome of my findings.  Its hard to let go of the person you use to know, even know some of the great quailities they use to posses they still own, they may have picken up a few new one's that arn't so flattering.  I will always love everyone for who they really are, there are always going to be small things in every person I dont agree with but that is with any human being on this earth including me.  I am a grown woman and I need to start thinking like one.  So when it comes down to it.. even if we dont like it.. some people are not a part of our lives for a reason, and even though some say its bad to put up walls..the one's I'm building are going to do nothing but make me stronger and have better judgment.  With saying that on to better news. I took my Algebra exam yesterday and owned it! I have one more exam tonight and if goes as planned I will finally be walking across the stage saturday getting my degree.  I know a two year degree isn't all that, but looking back where I was four years ago..I'm very proud of myself and never though I would have seen this day. Although I dont have anyone "special" in my life to share this joy with thats ok..... my friends fill that emptiness and I'm learning to accept it also.  It's kind of nice knowing I dont HAVE to have a man by my side to make me feel good about myself (not saying I wouldnt want one) but its making me stronger.. I've never really known what it was like to be alone and on my own.  Yes I live next door to my mother but to be fair about that I pay ALL of my own bills, she pays not one of my expenses.  She's more of my best friend and a great neighbor so anyone who has anything negative to say about that please hit me with your best shot because I'm pretty sure your not standing alone.  So back to graduating.. I've had alot of people as me "so whats next?" for the first time ever I dont have a plan.. and i like it! Yes I will continue my education after a short break, I'm happy with where I'm working so I'm not planning on a career change. But right now my canvas is blank and ready to be painted on. I have nothing holding me back anymore, I have no one's feelings to take into concideration with my decisions, my friends and family fully support anything I want to do with my life.  So maybe try modeling again? maybe continue my book I started writing three years ago? maybe even move and start everything fresh and new? who knows, all I know is I can do whatever I want with my life and that feeling is absolutely fabulous.  I define who I am... I wont let anyone crush my dreams or put me down.  No one will determine who I am anymore :) and love life? I'll take it as it comes... all i know is I'm not waisting anymore time with something I dont believe wont last, one red flag and I'm out.. as my grandmother always said "you better like what you get in the beginning, because thats as good as its ever going to get" and that is so true its scary! So like I said, nothing but the best... Well I feel like I've been writing a short story lol.  I hope everyone had a great thanksgiving and holiday weekend with friends and family.  and I hope everyone has an amazing christmas and new years eve! XOXO